The Hero in The Making

The Present

2010-09-15T17:05:00.004+08:00

Well.
Its 17:06 hrs on my watch. I'm like so bored rite now. Got my off but can't go anywhere. Mum says "Budak kene buasir takle merayap!!".Gosh.im only going out for awhile-____-. I was planning to go out with her. But unfortunately.im too scared to make more promises. False hopes are too far out to be demolished by my long absence. I'mbeing downed to more pressured priorities that i'm persevering to endure. My problems??Hard to explain-__- Let's just sae i got three more months to my ORD. Hopefully by that time..Everything gets better & i'll start a new beginning next year.

I missed out a lot.
Especially her. Kept being undeniable cause I'm scared I'll be more drawn to you like a paranoia.-__-. I can't deny this feelings has grown immensely, but i convinced myself not to be too conditional. But i won't give up.until she herself push me away. Gosh.i sound like a lunatic.hha.
Her birthday is coming. Been looking around for all the pink stuff i could find.only got two. Bit there's more. Hope she'll love it..
Finally budak gila tu dah tua.Aku kalau dah ckp kau akan tua ..msti kau tua nyer..wahahahaa..
k..lame.i know..hha

I just need to top up my pp8 so i can msg that gal who can't speak properly-___-lol.
I think she's watching the new kajol movie, "we are family"..well..whatever-___-.hha.

Alrite.till here..dah kene pekik gy solat.
Tak sabar nak buat die nanges on her special day..(tears of endearing joy)hhaa.
k.till here.

Whatever happens to us
I'll still be here
Cause whatever happens
Happens now
The present is us

HSS

My Now

2010-09-06T22:51:00.004+08:00

Really long time huh...

so much has happened..
Some expected & some just vastly intimidating..
Details i won't splat on this blog.I just let u guys wonder..haha

Life's fine i guess.
Afraid to use "great"..cause it has such deeper meaning.

For now my family is my biggest priority.
Especially my sis..
"I just want u to get well.
I'll do anything to protect you.

Coz when i say i love you.i really do"

Insya'allah..u'll get better day by day..
We'll always pray for you.

Even at my downs..there's always someone who's there..

Even if she don't show that she care..but i know she does.
I'm so grateful for that.
She made me realise that this world ain't always a fantasy.
u need to face reality.
And unfortunately this guy is drawn to you & head over heels for you.
This feeling is unpredictable .
but its true
I have to know what you're doing
Every updates about you.

Coz you mean so much to me now.
I know ur not ready..
If there's no affliation between us ..i surrender..
But i'll try my best to prove that im the one.
Even in my "gemok" state rite now.-____-...

What i wanna sae now is..

For now..

U really hurl up my world
You made me mad
You made me sad
Coz ur so terrible
Despite that i can't walk on a day w/o hearing you
Its not paranoia
Its not fake

Its just you
You that made me a better me
Coz u made me face reality
And the reality is
My feelings are true
For you

Harniz Sufiyan Shah b. Syu'alman.

Let things be, If its meant to be
HSS

Moving

2010-06-05T06:27:00.006+08:00

I guess life has all kinds of explicts & ways to determine where u stand & where you hold that perfect moment to remember it forever.

Its like when you met someone,
Someone Special,
Someone that moves you even when you're still & stationery.
Someone that's obviously the opposite sex of yours,(not trying to discriminate the homo's..lol)
Someone that made you believe in ways u never thought u did to urself
Someone that changes your life within that very moment that you met him/her
In simple terms:
Someone that you''l try your very best to forget when he/she's gone

You can call it fate/destiny..

In many ways we search or waited for our true love to come, but it yet to prevail.

The truth unveils is beyond nothing you can imagine.
Its simple
You'll know its her, when you'll meet..
The funny thing is, you don't know its her
Thats why life is so complicated(to immature human beings)
Its simple

When you know you gotta go, you go
I can't deny im missing her like crazy
Im holding on
July is the month that i'm not prepared to go through
It maybe the lasts,
or;
It may be the beginning

Just hope it'll went smoothly even though
Im still prepared for the worst
If i make it through,
I'll start a new beginning

My parents still pester me to go queensland
I'm at a bottomline
I'll miss so many people
This has to be the hardest decision
Coz when i go,
Its impossible for me to come back
To those who already knew i'll make the best moments now with you guys before i go.
I know this post seem abit too un-conditional yet very damn emo.lol
But times like this

I juz have to let it all out
&

the best thing is its almost 7am now on a saturday

I had best moments with the most beautiful people
Beautiful memories that'll not easily fade
One of them brought a huge impact in my life
I'll have to withstand my pursues to nothing i've yet to gain

I've tried my best,

But i know it won't happen
Maybe its fate
& maybe, just maybe..

Its a whole new beginning

So i'll just pray that i'll get thriugh july & made it through safely.
Alright.till next time

"Its hard to forget you, but i will
For us. i will
Take care.Goodbye
& Thank you for everything you've done for me"

"Always put on a smile no matter where you stood"

HSS

P.S:The truth is my all time favourite colour was Yellow

2010-05-23T01:46:00.003+08:00

I swear i feel like shit now.
Im super moody today.

Eveything unexpexted happened today.
Others got involved & became my victim.
I hate being like this.

& now im officially the bad guy.
i feel like running away & leave singapore for good.

PS:i don't want us to drift apart

2010-04-20T21:44:00.002+08:00

i'm at my cuzin's place now.
&
i can't think straight

Everyday is killing me.
& every second seems longer than before

i\I'm opening up my heart & the past is a new beginning to enter

i hope ur doin fine.
coz i know u can live w/o me.
& i'm competing against a new scale.

Its what i have for now
&
all i have left

Always treasure life
The days are numbered & i know this is for the best
I'll survive till the very last
Coz i know its worth knowing u even for that little while

P.S:Everthing seems so fast, but i'll erase it

2010-04-18T21:42:00.002+08:00

I've been holding out
i've been at worst
&
probably the worst are not yet over

Today will b the day i've broken up with my girl.
i miz her so much
i can't believe, i'm actually doing it
I know its for the best

She told me she don wanna do this .she dun wanna break up
but i have to
i want he best of u
we're not going to b happy
Chances are condemmed & oppurtunities are being withdrawn

I am a simple guy
i just want to b loved & love someone.
i'll do anything for that someone.

my words are enough & i rest my conscience clear

im doing this for you

P.S:Hold on to my words & yours

2010-04-06T13:43:00.001+08:00

I MISS NURUL SYUKRIYAH BINTE SHUKOR OH, VERY THE MUCH.

2010-03-28T21:40:00.004+08:00

Extract of Hate:Anger

Extract of Happyness:????

Happyness can be defined in many ways.with friends, families; evrything that revolves with you.Its hard to attain that, yet it comes & go.

Promises..

Its so easy making one & damn easy breaking one. it really suck if you have to be the one broken by your friend's promises or even your lover's..But do you know how the opposition reely felt?Do you really think they love doing this. Even their deepest darkest secret is yet to be revealed. Or are we too selfish or too self-centered. Must we anguish or disgusted by our fears too overcome what we've lost. There's a saying. We must never break a promise, its like an oath. Once broken,its forever gone. And be condemn to eternal regretness.

It might be possible i might changed. Been hailed & mocked alot about my changeness. Friends i reaaly loved made to sacrificed.My sacrifice. Its not hard to redeem but even yet to try. All my life i've never had the best like them. They really changed my life. I really love them. But i know i've hurt them alot. Im not contradicting either to withstand my pursues. Im lost & i don't know if they can ever forgive me again.

The truth is, im ashamed. I've misleaded & i lost my tracks. & the worse i lost them. i miz them, i really do. they meant the world to me..but its not possible to attain them back. for now im just glad they're happy. & again there's no words to grant except for..

sorry.

I still

2010-01-24T16:54:00.005+08:00

Im here
Im alone
No one's at home, since morning.
My family loves going to johore lately

I just wished, i'm with that someone now.
The frame is still here
Alvin is still here
&
All the beautiful things that someone given me is still here
Even the pictures

Trying really hard to let it all go.
Pretending again
As though this never happened
As though we never knew or met each other

Everything happened for a reason i guessed
Everynight all i could think about was her
Everyday i laughed, i smiled
Every second i will try my very best to breathe

I still need her.
I don't know why

Percy Jackson Movie is coming up.
The best part is..
Whom i wanna watch it with..
&
Who would be so eager to watch it with me.

We talked just now
I don't want you to think too much
Mayb we changed
Not only you

If you're really made up your mind
Beep me
i'll respect your decision whatever it is
I'll be here

"Coz we can make it happen not if we have to, but if we want to"

P.S:i called you this morning

confessions

2010-01-19T03:30:00.002+08:00

Its over.
i wanna run away ,far2 away.
i dunnoe if i can live with this
it reli hurts,
i'm not used to this
not hearin her voice not knowing anything.
it really kills inside

we made that decision, but a stupid one.
im leaving not bcoz i wanted to
not bcoz im damn hurt
not bcoz thigs will get better if i do.

i leave coz i love her so much.i need her
i dunnoe how long i can last.
i can't believe she's gone.

i'm so stupid to make that stupid promise.

now everything is too late.

i never expect things to turn out this way.
i just hope she'll find someone.
& eat her ubat.

i keep pretending.

the more i wanna forget the harder it seems.
i laughed with my friends ,families
deep inside only "he" understands.

even though ive known her for a short time..the moments will always linger & bring a deep impact in my life.
Coz for once someone actually made me complete

& to myy friendi know u guyss care about me.
but its going to take a really long time too forget her

"coz i love her too much, that i have to let her go"

i just wish things would be otherwise.
i hope she'll find someone new that'll makee her feel totally complete.
coz didn't do that.

& the best thing is she didn't receive her last present that i'm going to give her
& i this time i didn't make her guess, i didn't tell her im going to surprise.
alright i've to stop this..she's not mine animure.

"i'll still reach out to you even though ur only my imagination"
HSS

P.S:i called you just now

2010-01-12T18:41:00.003+08:00

i'm feeling like shit now..

i miz before..hw i wish i could turn back time..

Sorry for that unreasonble & lame- immature explanation..
i'm so bad at everything..
feel like dying.

if only you understand..

i don't want to it to b this way..
When ppl changed , i changed too..& i'm scared of that..
its either good or bad for me..
i hate myself now, i don't see the light .

Guess thats the only way..
&
i've decided..this feeling kills..
&
its bad for us..but its goona help me.
its now or never ..

"Coz when i was falling, i was thinking of you"

HSS

2009-12-16T19:08:00.004+08:00

hmm..

long time huh..

i tink i saw flakes of dusts in my blog..lol..

lots of things happened..good & bad..

unfortunately..too lazy to type..

i jjuz wanna say im so grateful to b alive..

& syg..thnx 4 always being there 4 me..ly..

"Coz everyday is beautiful since you came"

HSS

2009-11-22T15:47:00.002+08:00

i don't know what's gg thru my mind..

all i know i was thinking bout her..can't stop..

i miz her like crazy..im waiting for her to rply..she said ..she wanna go mkn..then she msg again ..she wanna go bathe..i waited almoz 3 hrs nw..& not a single reply..

i know mayb im being paranoid..but i reli miss her..

i can't meet u tdae..& it just tears me up inside..i feel like crying..coz the next time i'll get to see her, i dunnoe when..

even though we went out ysterdae ..time was moving fast..

i relli miz u syg..trying to act normal..& holding on..haiyy..

"if only you're with me now"
HSS

2009-11-17T21:38:00.004+08:00

syg..i know ur super mad at me..
im not myself..
i muz control this..im gettin paranoid day by day..
i missing u every second,even when we meet..
coz i know the time will be super fast & u r home by the time i close my eyes..

i know i've been an ass lately..
im reli sorry.
i know u r angry with me 4 being late..
u wanna know y i kept quiet the whole time??
i was scared .,i mean reli scared.i dunnoe y..
when u gave me that look..its like my mouth been stuck with super-glue.
& u ..i know its hard to believe..
but ..
i cried..
i cried when u gave me that mochi ice-cream ,even though ur super mad at me.
u hold my hand held it so tightly.
i reli cried.i just dun want to show u.

i was touched

& now ur mad at me coz of what i text-ed u juz now,after we talked on the phone
syg ..u know sumtimes u sound so convincing..& i forgot that..im really sorry..

i was relli not myself..

the whole day we didn't get to do the things we wanted.& time was really running fast & u had to go home.& the worst part is i have to see u walked in he rain..seriouslly it break my heart..coz i can't b there 4 u..

ayg..i hope u 4give me..i reli hope we win those tickets so we can go watch it 1st b4 ani1 else in s'pore..haiy..im not going to tell u ive updated..

i can't imagine if u had to loose u 1 day.haiy..i really love u syg

syg..im really sorry..

"Coz every moment is beautiful with you"

HSS

Shopping!!

2009-11-15T00:34:00.002+08:00

Syg..

surprised??hee..

by the time u read this i think its gg to b a long time..i ckp i do sumting 1st b4 i slip rite..

its this..i wanna update my blog..

i really enjoyed tdae syg..with you.

we went shopping!!.hee..

i can see ur reli happy today & that mde me feel even more elated:)

i wanna thank you also 4 being there 4 me & 4 today..

love u so much..

u were nervous tomeet my frends kan..but told yar..they're friendly:)

i tot i was going to get bullied rabak..but i felt it was the other way round..hha..

haiy..

& if u realised tdae..we saw like alot of red shoes today syg..i reli want tat shoe kat zara at vivo..haiy..it calling me already..hha

anwae glad my frends knew you & u knew my frends..

they're so jakun to see u..hha..

k..i dah pnat uh u..& ngntok gler..i think ill stop here..

syg when u dah bace this bip me k..im not gg to tell u i update..hee..

"Coz everytime we stare into each other eyes, i see us dancing & flying above the stars"

HSS

P.S:ILOVEYOU

Last minute

2009-10-31T22:42:00.002+08:00

iI just got home..
Today was fun..i got to meet Sayang:)
Was so happy...
Syg i wanna u noe that i'm madly deeply in love with you..

now i sound like lunatic..hha

Thank you very much 4 tdae sayang..every moment with you means everything to me..thanx 4 tdae & yesterday..

The worst thing is

my PC juz called ..

& i have to book in like..

RIGHT NOW..

wt%^&@#$%^!!..

Im sorry i cun meet u tdae..im so mad rght now...im missing u oredi..

Syg i wanna u to noe that..

YOu've made me look at things in a different way..

im so grateful to have you.

LOve u sayang..gosh ..i sound desperate rite..hha

when u read this blog..bip me k..

i reli lurv u syang..

"Coz ur the magic sparkle in my heart"

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

unexpected

2009-10-20T01:37:00.004+08:00

just finished talking to her..

today is a very unexpected day..
im feeling very shitty now..

my sis got admitted in KK..
I'm struggling with HMTC course
MY mum being totally unreasonable
& I HATE being jealous..

all i can say..

"Coz no matter what my heart's stuck with yours"

Harniz Suiyan Shah

2009-10-15T00:10:00.002+08:00

Syg..

i miz u badlly..haiy..

cun wait 4 saturday..playing piano like nobody's business..hha

"Coz ur the sun shining thru me burning my love to keep it bright"

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

My Love

2009-10-12T21:24:00.004+08:00

Well to start things off, since i've not blogged since like i don't know when.

I'm attached..

Its hard to believe it, but im very blessed to be with her.
She changed me somehow & im very elated that we're together.

U.. Thnx 4 the present i love it so much..

Nobody has ever done something this wonderful to me.I'll always remember .

Je'taime

Well like most of my entries , there's always a poet..
Here it goes

I never knew there would be a better tomorrow
But you've come into my life and taken away all my sorrow
My days of sadness are a thing of the past
Because I have found true love at last
My days of emptiness are gone for good
Because you fill a void in my heart that you should
You've opened a window
You've shown me the light
And my love for you will continue to burn bright.

Even if life gets hard along the way, Ive never regret for a moment knowing you

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

2009-09-13T22:02:00.002+08:00

can't believe im writing a new one

got to stop this feeling...urrrrrrrggghhhh!!!
this reli sux..
this feeling grew & grew each day.
sumtyms cun stop thinkin bout her coz im so worried..
im juz scared if i'll loose her one day..
she's so important to me now..
haiy..
gotta stop this feeling.

Pretending is an observation not to for-see..

harniz sufiyan shah

2009-09-13T16:47:00.001+08:00

im seriouslly,literally stupid..

i was so smangat just now that i culdn't sleep that i wrote my blog..
it was long, but unfortunately, i didn't save..haiy...

hmm..so lets make a bit of flashback..

hmm..i dun reli feel emo animure..
i just felt that im a very bad person.
i have my reasons.i'm trying to change, so this is what i'm scared that the outcome will turned to this.
i wanna b that guy whu can give that someone happyness.

Happyness that she'll b smiling 24/7..i know thats not possible..but with a bit of imagination u can.i dunnoe if i'm someone whom can inspire others or a role model..it made me laugh just thinking about it..

simply put..
i just wonder if i can reli make someone's life better or changed.or simply make someone smile .
Its like i wanna invent this drug that can make ani1 happy juz by taking it.but its just paranoia.
So i thought & thought..
This is crazy.but i/ve thought about it.

u..i hope u can support me in this.coz i reli thought about pursuing it,even though i have very low I.Q & low education.& i will reli work hard for it.

i wanna pursue in psychology(counsellor)It seems to b impossible, but i reli wanna change my life. & i just felt rite that this is the right path to my future.i dun care about what other ppl think animure.i reli wanna pursue it.

i hope u guys understand.

It matters not what you think, it matters more in what u believe
Harniz Sufiyan Shah

P.S:I LoveYou:)

2009-09-11T21:27:00.000+08:00

Here i am again..

i haven't realli update things that happened recently..

Well as u guyz can see im in NS now & i still have 1yr & 3mnths more to serve.
Everyday is a struggle even though others said that having a DRIVER for a vocation is the most relaxed ever..Well..

i protest.

it is relaxed..& wat i meant is, its too relaxed..im not complaining about having extra privelleges..
Well , all i know for a fact is that if u slip too much..the lazier u b'cum..& seriouslly i'm feeling that already.
can u believe it, im actually struggling from relaxing everyday..i know it reli sounds crapt & im juz being obnoxious ..but im tired of being lazy. I hate it alot actually.

So i figured out the problem.

1. Get a PSP.(modified one)

2. Study back(im taking my O"s next year, just waiting for the pending..hope i get it)

3. Keeping myself fit..( i wnt my six pack back!!hha.onli gt 4..hha)

4.And i think lastly drive very cautiouslly

Hope it works..
I'm really confident coz i reli wanna change.
Everyday i felt as if the earth has depart & i'm being abduct & foced to live with the "infected ones"hha..now i'm juz being paranoid.

And again ..i got nothin to do but write poets..

here goes one..

Courage is what we need to move on

Willingness to fight and look for new dawn

Hope in our heart and dreams in our eyes

We should aim to become noble and wise

Speaking truth and encouraging youth

Raising the bar and moving at par

Crossing every hurdle every hour

With Destination so near yet so far

Endurance to withstand Hardship or stress

Winning formula for achieving SUCCESS

That's why for only once in our lives
We must dream, & dream big we must,
For ignorance may be blissed
But if you let it wither
Your dreams will be crushed

The reason i'm like is coz, i'm turning 20 like in 2 weeks time.i dun wanna think bout it..its reli sad when u've reached 20. But i should make it into a new beginning.i must make thiz oppurtunity golden.

& i'm reli worried bout my dad.he's suddenly different.
Its been years that he prayed. but he suddenly did.
Its a blessing & a new beginning for the family.
But i'm very scared about the outcome.
coz he kept reminding me that im going to b the man of the house .
Take gd care of my mum & sis.
Its reli surreal to imagine if he's gg away..
i cun imagine it.i know he's sick now, he always pretend thats he's ok.
that's the reason he prayed.i knew.

i reli lurv my dad.he's the best dad ani son could ever wanted. i took him for granted. i made a lot of mistakes,which he's always been forgiving.i've dissapointed him alot of times, but he's always there for me.

god, plz dun take him away.

haiy..

i'm like super-emo now.

& abt me & sum1.i've realli fallen for her.
Trying to adapt again.
Entering the new zone.& i reli wanna make her happy.
And she got loads of peminat which she deny onli abit.but..i knew.

& i gotta stop feeling stupid..
There won't b a next time i promised.
i'll just keep quiet.

I am not a perfect person,
And I don't try to be.
I am just another imprisoned soul,
That is longing to be set free.

I don't want to be in this place anymore,
I don't want to shed anymore tears
I'm sick of always hiding inside of myself,
This has gone on for too many years

I don't want to show my emotions,
Or to tell you how I feel
I just want to know the difference,
Between what is fake and what is real

I'm just another lost soul,
That is waiting to be found
I'm just another liability,
That's just lying around

I'm just falling through the air,
And I'm about to hit the ground
But I don't expect anyone to catch me,
Because i'm used to the rounds

Well i think i'll stop here..i'll update again..i'm feeling super-emo..

Coz pretending has its reasons

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

Teman istimewa

2009-09-05T19:07:00.000+08:00

Gosh..

Its 23 days to countdwn till my bithday..
I'm going to b an old man on my bthdae..

20..

is a very,very,very,very,very,very BIG number..

Hence, again im goin to have a boring bthdae tiz year,
its been a very long time since i had so so much fun on my bthdae.
& i don't think its going to happened tiz year.

There's so many things i wanna change bout myself b4 i turn 20.
i got a list..but its so damn long to write it dwn..but the last one..hmm..

kk..i'll write the last 3..

8.I wanna a new handphone(samsung omnia)

9.I want to go malaysia for a holiday at least for 3 days.

& the last one..hmmm..

10.To get a GF before my bithday

The last seems impossible..i've listed this since i entered NS..

I only managed to accomplished 5.

But nothin's impossible right..
To be honest there's alot of gals i get to know about.
My friends introduced & some i got to know on my own.

Some left me dying & Some always like to be in their own world,
some i..hmmm..lets just say they're too BIG for me..lol..i'm not being discriminating...
Its just not there..

The CLICK..(the feeling where u both parties felt the same way)

& i did found somone.

She really somehow changed me.i meant i always pretend to smile.
Even when im really down.i just kept smiling.i'm so used to it.
But when she came,its like magic.
She's stubborn,
She's un-predictable,
She's someone whu can relli make anyone smile,she just don't know it yet.

& she's someone i really have fallen for.

What u wrote yesterday made me believed you.
& you, i know & understood what you said..

but u cannot deny k..
u ada banyak peminat..hhha.:)

& unfortunately,i'm one of them.hha..(u got a SHREK for a peminat)hha

& i reli wanna say sorry if sometimes i made u misunderstand. I appreciate evryting u've done.
U reli made my day evrytime w/o fail.

& i reli hope u can give me time not only for myself but for us too.

Coz now you're the one COLOURED my LIFE.

"I'll still reach out for you even if i'm falling"

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

2009-08-31T19:57:00.000+08:00

hey LIFE..

im back..

& guess what , my life been hmm...

abit shaky, abit shattered & somehow i'm fallen.

i dunnoe why , but i'm feelin like shit for theses pat few days.

Pretending is not an easy task.

hmm..ii felt as if the whole world is cruching me down.

As if my last days coming to a near end.k..

now im realli paranoid..hha..

Hmm..lets juz say i've been crushed again.(in a good way)

She's crazy..hha..

she's gg to b so mad readin tiz..

i meant in a good way.Somtimmes when i felt really down. She was always there askin me if i'm ok..

hmm..lets juz say i've never been tiz appreciated for a very long time.

i felt as if the world is calling me & start again..(paranoid level 5)hha..

hmm..lets juz say ...

"She made my World"

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

2009-08-30T18:33:00.002+08:00

juz one expression..

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhh!!!

k..i fil beta now..i think.

i wrote a poet again...so here it goes..

Friends are those we care about -
who touch our very soul.
They can take the shattered pieces -
and once again make us whole.

We may not know just how this is -
or why they even care.
Just knowing they are part of you -
makes them so very rare.

Many are chosen but never hear -
some don't know where to start.
But those who hear know the answer -
It lives inside your heart.

And just by listening you understand -
you’re part of a special team.
And the message spoken is simple -
always follow your dream.

Inside us all is another part -
that can sometimes feel like a hole.
But it's there he stores the answers -
it's where you keep your soul.

So always keep your faith in God -
He'll always be at your side.
Never think he has left you -
and the devil will have no where to hide.

You are my new found inspiration -
my faith in you will always shine.
At last I found a special friend -
who I’m proud to say is mine.

And should you start to falter -
and need a reminder of who you are,
just call on your friend across the sea -
from you I'll never be far.

Coz i'll always be here, whatever happens

Haniz Sufiyan Shah

2009-08-27T22:20:00.000+08:00

Like the sun shining through a window in early breeze
That's what your friendship means to me.
Your caring concern and the laughters that you show,
Not only for me but for others as well.

The whole world I would tell,
What your friendship means to me,
But the words do not come, they are caught deep inside
Of this person I am, who would much rather hide

Than face this world in which we live,
A world that cannot give of itself,
A world that has died.
Its not you, its myself

About what your friendship, as everyone knows,
Means to me.
It's so hard to be open when one's always been closed,
But I'll try just for you
Since the feelings I have run as deep as the sea.
Yes, I'll try very hard, be patient with me.

2009-08-24T19:53:00.003+08:00

I know all this is happening too fast, i never thought that my feelings for you will grow & how important u r to me.
What i meant by "Friends" was, i was scared if i had to loose u 1 day.
by ur ex' or any guy thats betta than me. & juz one day not heaing u.i was like a stone. "not moving, just watching others passed by",Like i have no feelings.
U r the magic that enlighten me, "cehh"cam disney lakk yan..hha..
Simply put, you are more than a fren to me. & that's my honest answer.
i know u have doubts. but i'll prove it to you.

& YOU

I DAH CACAT!!!!!

wanna noe y???

My mum gunting rambut i cam PETAk g2..!

Now i look like an autism kid.haiaya..dunnoe hw to go rayer like tiz..hha

"im so going to the babrber on wednesday!!"

"You made me,ME"

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

2009-08-23T21:15:00.001+08:00

Like stars seem to fall
I kept falling like its my end
I never thought i would miss someone this much
I will always pretend

Coz it wouldn't hurt so much
But ever since she came
She made me smile from the inside
I never thought life has its meaning
Like others always seem to say

I know u had doubts about me
I'm scared of it too
If i had to loose you
Everything will turn to blue

I know sometimes
Life can be hard
And others tried
Their very best to win u back

But whatever happens
I'll be here no matter what
Coz the only thing that matters
Is your heart

i never thought i would miz her tiz much.i understnd what she's going thru now.im so worried for her.
Not being able to b there for her hurts the most.
But whetver happens in life mayb unexpected ,i'll still b there 4 u no matter what even as a friend.

Coz u taught me not to pretend
& made me smile again

Haniz Sufiyan Shah

2009-05-10T13:05:00.012+08:00

hie..

im back. its been a very long time since i've updated.i'm to type so i juz let the pictures do the talking.kae:)

Went out with my 2 budds & ilham's sis & her fiance'. Went to town 1st to play pool, then head off to marina to meet up with ilham's sis.she treat us swensens. its mouth-watering i tell you.when we finally reached there, i was like .YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!hha

its been a long time tak makan swensens..i had mighty nutty.lama sey nak habes.but its worth it after all that cold sweat..hha.& while i was eating there's this gal in front of me.she kept looking ahead of me.i thought she was looking someone behind me or there's something on my mouth orsomething.then she suddenly smiled at me, i was like "woah"..the chocolate was melting , so does my heart..hha

so something happened..

I GOT HER NUMBER!!hha

Thanks to my friends & ilhams's sis. & now we're officially friends..hmm..next move..hhmm????hhaa!

after swensens , went to suntec(tower 3 & 4), gy cari shasha's tempat keje.it was hard i tell you.but finally we found it..ingt nak main free game.but she was busy so i didn't disturb her.

Then head off to The Cathay to watch Friday The 13th. it wasn't scary but it was really intense to watch. Its full of suspense. Butits a classic. i'll rated it aroun 3 1/2 stars point 5 stars.

After all that fun we head home. what a fun saturday.i wish all my weekends will b like this:)

If only she knew

HSS

2009-04-05T19:50:00.002+08:00

i finally did it..

should have done it earlier..

i was at my breaking point & i really can't do it,,

"But i did"

No one forced me. i chosed to do it on my own. it was really hard. But it was worth it. Finally i burnt the whole thing. the pain & suffering i've kept for so long, i just wish the best for her. i know she's really happy with what's facing her life now. i'm glad to know that.

I've finally gotten over her..

i noe its hard to believe. But i can't b seen chasing someone's fiancee'.Its a bad image for NS..lol.hhaa!!& i just found out she saw the vid, me & asnur made..i was like ..WTF!!

& I NOE WHU'S THE CULPRIT..

& even worse.she spread the vid to so many ppl.."sampai ex aku pon dah tengok"
malu banget dehh..hha..

nvm..at least nw im popular..lol..

& i will make tat day happen. i promise

my deep secret

2009-03-18T20:09:00.009+08:00

i dunnoe wad i'm feeling right now. alot of mixtures,
but on the priority part..
i feel like dying..

hha..ns boy can b so depressed huh??

Well, hmm..

i gotta be honest now..

i think the reason i can't handle rlshp's or have feeling for another gal is because..

i can't get over her..
My EX..My First Love

i really can't.i still keep her photos of us in my wallet , i still keep the things she made for me.
i know i'm like an idiot not getting over a gal who left , 3 years ago. i just can't forgive myself, till now.

& the best thing is

SHE GOT ENGAGED

on 10TH OF MARCH.(that is on my P.O.P DAY!)

i was so shocked.

& i'm really sorry to those whu just found my deep secret..im really sorry i lied to u guyz. i know u guyz think that i've long forgotten about her.but i dunnoe ..really can't ..

And to those who know my ex, plz dun tell her aites..i noe who u guyz are.Let me locked it inside..i will try to forget her & i know i've hurt alot of gals bcoz of this especially miz random.whu was always there for me.im really sorry. i know , now i have to forget her b4 i really get into a real rlshp.

i noe i can't do anitin..

but i'll try my best to forget her,coz i noe she will only b my imagination.

i really wish the best for her.

i dunnoe wad else to say..im gg off nw

2009-03-17T17:43:00.004+08:00

Gosh
i can't believe i'm at home for like 7 days now..really happy.
but didn't make use much of the time lately.
hmm.. i know i must take back my sweater from someone today. but i decided not to.
i really wanna her to keep it.i have no ulterior motives. juz want u to have it.
i know someone gave me up.

i just wanna u noe, that thru the days we've known each other, though we've met only for a while.It still brightens up inside. & i really wanna thank you for being my friend . if ur reading this i really want u to keep that sweater. u can do whatever u want with it. But i really don't want it back, coz i've given it to u.

& i konw we may not talk to each other animure.

i relli wanna sae sorry..if i reli2 hurt u in anwae..i'm not fit to b ur fren animure..

Ever since u'r gone my life starts with a smile & ends with a tear

farewell friend

The worst Valentine

2009-02-14T23:37:00.004+08:00

Wow..how time flies..

I'm 1 mnth away to my p.o.p..its been reli tough 4 the 1st 2 mnths..but i know its gonna get worst..

But i'm oredi up 4 it..must alwaes b mentally prepared.

Its reli been a long,long time since i've blogged..i miz so many human beings in s'pore..

Especially my 3 budds..

Ever since i entered camp..things really change. Asnor chose to get back with his "EX". & Ilham fell in love with somone's gal.. Really dunnoe hw to solve tiz. its stressed enough in there..but when they told me what happen..i was really diassapointed..& Asnor made the decision to break our frenship..

The world is really goin haywire. Now i felt as though im left with no one..not even a true friend.

And guess what's even worse??

Today is VALENTINE'S DAY

Last year was fun coz i asked my ex to b my gal on this date. But this year its like i/m all alone 4 this whole day.Well i did go out. Only to go to wedding celebrations & buy groceries.Reall had the most boring day ever. Well gotta move on & let love find me..hha

Well gotta pull through somehw rite.. Im juz so grateful there's at least someone whu's alwaes there 4 me. & i realli grateful enugh 4 tat..

Thnx miz random:)

To enjoy life, is to aprreciate it.

HSS

2009-01-11T16:51:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i know i can b an ass. Eveyone who knows me will b furious & may not even wanna tok to me.

Coz i tend to b in my own werld sometimes.& i noe it hurts ppl close to me.
My friends, families

I dunnoe y, but i gt tiz close friend of mine. She's the bestest friend u could ever have.I think when she's reading tiz ,she'll think its about another person.

its u

Mizz random.
u juz asked me, wheter u are imporatant to me.the answer is YES.

U woke me up & made me realiesed that dreams can b accomplised.
u stood by me no matter what.
& im realli grateful 4 that.

i knoe i've nt been a good friend.im relli sorry i've hurt u alot of times.
i wanna say that i relli cun loose a fren like u.coz it makes me smile juz tokin or sms'ing u..u make my troubles go away..& i reli grateful & thankful 4 tat..

igtg now.. i hope u'll b reading tiz..msg me anitime..i'll try to reply asap..

:)

When the stars starts to fall
I know i can count on u
Together we'll pick it up together
& Smiling Proud & tall

Hss

Hari Raya Haji (Memorable Day to Remember)

2008-12-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

Today was fun, really fun.
Really enjoyed today.
And yet again, i lazy to type that much.
So i juz gonna put up the pics & explain lil part of details.

We celebrated Aiesyah's birthday today & we had a "kenduri selamat" for my stay at NS.
She turned to an elegant 7-years old this year.
We celebrated it together(me & aiesyah), she complaint bout not getting much presents.
And me on the other hand, i got a lot of cash with me now..hhe.
I didn't expect that much people to come, i was surprised by the numbers that came.
It was really hectic, & i forced myself to blog this even though i'm dammed tired..hha

Aiesyah celebrating her birthday
& 7 years old!

She's sweet isn't she. If i know anybody dares to hurt her.
I'll send their heads flying off. No Kidding.

Sorry for the bad pic, i took it after it was being sliced.
But its still nice & delicious anwae. My Aunt Radiah bought it.
It costs a whopping $80.00!!woah..i guess that's enough as a present..hha

This is my Favourite pic. They didn't listen to us & by the time we say "cheese",
They were candid..hha

Anway's,

more

Piccas

My niece's & nephew's

Fot the First time the guys look serious..hha.lol

Kak & Adeq

Aiesyah gonna look like her sis when she grows up(lagi jambu)hha

Mum , Uncle Basir & Mum with her Beloved niece(Seri)

Are u appetitized just by looking??haha

The Fatty & the Skinny

My Dad & my Elder Cuz, Abg Fad

My Uncle Ehksan & Me

He's the Best Advisor ever!

& There were also my Bro's

Asnor took a pic with Adi

We took a pic with the

Bithdae Girl

I think We Really Look like the Guys from the Movie called

"Three men & a Lady"

& The last picca to Aiesyah

This pic so cute

Happy Birtday Aiesyah

May all your wishes & dreams come true

May you grow to b a fine elegant lady

I'll always love you & protect u.

Amin

"There will always be a better tomorrow if u believe & peservere"

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

Days before countdown to hell

2008-12-08T01:46:00.000+08:00

Im back, its been a while since i've blogged
Well i'm not gonna update much..
So let the pictures do the talking aites.

On a Wednesday, very tiring day. Alot of errands to run & finally went to jogged. & i watched the most beautiful sunset with someone i met for like only a few hours..hha(she vey shy to take pic, coz both our faces like orang iban after jogging..hha)
*if ur reading this jgn malu2 k next time..hha*

On Thursday went to Kak Raisah's bthdae party, really had fun. Bought her a "lighter", not just any lighter .k.hha. An engraved one, if she's reading this i'm really sorry if i spelled ur name wrongly..We went off early, unfortunately can't spent time much & can't taunt at her house, but we really had fun. We played alot of games,& as usual, i SUCK at winking.hha

This was on tuesday i think, sorry to jumbled up the days

Our favourite spot @ vivo (you guys go figure where is this spot.hha.)

The Mr. Idiotic

The Mr. Step

& The Mr Fierce

After running alot of errands & bought my NS things, went off to meet my bro's at vivo. We had fun, & we were chilling all the way till 7.30 pm.& we found the perfect spot to chill at vivo.(its a secret..hha)

Introducing the next "Revalina" aka,

The Nerds.
So girls, do we stand chance??haha

The Nerds

Ilham begging for mercy, I think he's just hungry.lol

Yanzie Geeky

Adeq Bradeq

& Ilham made a new friend, they're so closed. Introducing his new friend "Mr. Kang-Kang")lol.he's gonna kill me if he saw this..hha

And on Friday we met shireen. Went to lot 1, then head off to cuseway & then to blocks near causeway to chill. Really had fun. I think Asnor & Shireen had fallen off with each other, dorang sahja taknak mengaku..hha. They look sweet together. She's perfect for asnor. I secretly took a pic behind them.(only me & ilham know bout this..hha

& on Saturday & Sunday didn't do much.
Just running errands as usual, @ my uncle's shop. & i took my niece's photo.
Her name is syuhada.she's so cute!

Ate egg prata, near my uncle's shop. Their egg prata is like the best prata ever. & honestly. Two are not enough..hha.

Then i went home & asnor's admirer whom really starting to like asnor alot,
Drew for us this, It symbollises us. I think its kinda sweet & nice

I think i'm the green,

Asnor's the red

Iham's the blue.

k, now we're officially

"Power Rangers"

of LOVE.lol!

& today, my house will b inviting all our relatives for my niece's bthday & for my kenduri selamat to go NS. Semoga semua berjalan lancar:)

Tats all i have for now.

Will try to update everyday before i go ns.

Countdown to 5 days.

"Imagination is not just a word, You need effort to believe in it"

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

Live Life

2008-11-27T19:52:00.000+08:00

Days are numbered by the days we live

Life ends when you die

Take a moment now

Breathe the serenity

Throw the anger

Push the fears

Jump for laughter

Pull in the happYness:)

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

a poet i made by my own

please do give your comments, will really appreaciate it:)

Missing her

2008-11-25T20:33:00.000+08:00

k..i'm really starting to miz tat person really bad.
i noe its not good to feign ignorance, wheter its blissed.
But it will really tear you deep inside, & that's what i'm feeling now

i know i'll stand no chance no more but still i have to face it,i think its better if i juz see her happy throughout with her perfect guy.i think its for the best.

NS Fever

2008-11-24T23:41:00.000+08:00

Left 2 weeks till im gone frm beautiful s'pore.hha..yan exeggerating jek..hha..

cnfm miss tat someone.hha. well let's just say like i'm the stupidest guy to let it go..kk..hmm..many things happened tdae..

well..lets just start off with my cuzzin's new radio show on the net. He was really good at being the dj. Well he got help from his sis & our cuzin (hazim). They were really funny .I think i'm going to start mine too, in a while. Confirm i talk crapt all the way,hha. i'll call it the crunchy show!hha..

Well to satrt off with today i waited my uncle 3 hours to go johore. he said to get ready at 6. & i woke up at 5!..woah..i waited so long i slept 4 a while. & when he complained that he waited for 10 mins. i just show my "i wanna kill u face"..hha.. Then he shut up. Along the way on the road, while we stopped for a while at a petrol kiosk.i dunnoe which area. Across my uncle's car to the left, there was this girl in her dad's car(i think), i caught her looking at me. when i looked back she look somewhere else. I did the same thing too..hha. At last we both smile at each other. she was quite pretty:) she got the lady-like look. When our both cars hit off, we waved good-bye. i wonder when i'll see her again..hha..like NEVER.hha

We arrived at j.b around 09:45. & we had nasi ayam 4 breakfast..hha.i love nasi ayam at gelang patah..the best!somemore its damn cheap.i had extra rice. it was damn delicious. After we ate, we arrived at my uncle's house. it look so good now. i feel like going there everyday..hha. & there's a new neighbour in front of my uncle's house. They were friendly , & my uncle invite them to his house. & this man he got 3 daughters. i just tilt my head down..hha..shy mah..hha..

I was sitting one corner when one of them ask me to join them.
They were playing UNO!!
I really miss playing it..it was o fun..The three of them were Ayu, Fizah & Ida. They'ra a pair of twins(Ayu & Fizah) & one gal. but i think they look more like triplets ..hha.they really look alike .all three of them. i had fun just now. & made new friends. & i found out something really cool. They juz migrated here from U.S. No wonder their eng so superb..they're what u called,American borned malay..hha..They're only going to saty here a few weeks. glad made new friends, but a very long-distant one.

& aftr all thet 5 pm..arrived back at s'pore ,went to the lib ,pay my fines.

$79.53!!!wow!!

who can beat my record..hha.my uncle so shocked.
he was so furious at me.if he ever found out he screw me damn hard hard(guys dun get the wrong idea)hahaha..screw as in hardcore punishment.

Then went to meet my friends asnor ,ilham, aisyah, fizah & rina. We had loads of fun. They tease me about my ns..i was like a baby juz now..hha

& fizah. She was behaving wierd just now. she's the only one who didn't tease me juz now. Well i'm being paranoid. i just got to say, if u got something to say, spit it out.

Dun held it up or u'll live to regret it

We took alot of vids juz nw..which i'll post later..it was really funny.
Well i guess thats the end of it for tdae. cun wait to go ns. coundown to two weeks.

I'll reli miz u guys, well i don't think u guys will..hha.,especially that someone which i won't tell her, coz she'll noe if i give her clues..hha..i'll just keep it to myself..juz hope she'll b happy with the new guy:)

k..i'm gg off.

"Seeing Is Believing What Others Deny"

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

SHOCKED!

2008-11-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

Now i begin to feel my life is more meaningful after mush distraught & regrets. I juz found out something real shocking. Last thursday, i received a very important letter.

Im going for my ns..

& its in 2 weeks time frm today.

Now i really feel that i can do better, got alot of motivators,well my uncless will do..hha..

i'm throwing away the old me from now on. & i noe when i'm there there'll b alot of obstacles. Not only physical but mentally too.
I'm really tired right now, so i'm just going to post this real fast & mayb go to sleep.

& i'm missing someone real bad. My prepaid is low & this past few days i don't know who turn to. well just made a head start right.k..till here

"Never take a lollipop from a stranger, but do lick a few times"

Harniz Sufiyan Shah

Sky Kids- Must Watch Movie

2008-11-20T04:44:00.000+08:00

i'm blogging now at 04.44 am on a thursday.
i'm feelin @%$#^*(o)(o)!

I don't know what's tomorrow is gg to be like..
& i think i'm the only person who didn't wish qayyum on his birthday. Confirm dier meradang nyer. I'm feelin shit this few days, & i'm missing someone really bad. She must had thought i would've lost contact. Well i know i've been an ass all along. I'm always the one whu make ppl cry.

& tiz few weeks ,i've had the wierdest dreams ever. i don't how to explain it, coz it all came "jumble" up. Some of it was great & some .........dun wanna talk bout it. Lets juz say, i may have predict how i/m goin to die later. Well better b prepared huh. & i've been skipping work too little too many. gosh. i reli hate myself. I really don't know how's my life gg to b like in the next five years.
I really think its gonna b a big mess, unless i made something out of myself. I really gotta CHANGE.
I've really wasted my youth alot.
I've met friends who were there for me, but i was so foolish to throw the line.
How i wish things would change & we'll b back like the old days.

I watched this movie called "Sky Kids".It was really inspiring..its a must watch..

& i juz found out something really shocking..which i'll have to end for now

Clone

2008-11-14T18:48:00.000+08:00

I'm so bored right now, another 2 hrs then can kick off dah..
really damn bored now..dah la tade keje nak buat..i finished too fast ar..shuld have taken my time..hha.

But 1st..i really can't get this out of my mind..this morning, my uncle fetch me as usual,& we go & eat at our usaul makan port(secret)lol..So as i was eating my usual nasi lemak..suddenly this LADY,i think around her mid-30's,came to me & started crying & wailing damn loudly. she kept yelling the name shahrin.

She was like,"SHAHRIN!SHAHRIN!BALEK DGN KAKAK!KAK RINDU SHAHRIN!".

She kept sayin tat repeatedly. I was stummed & shocked.
In my mind,"bler mase aku ada kakak".
The wierd thing she doesn't look like she's retarded, coz she look quite elegant. She look exactly like "Maya Karin", the malaysian celeb. My uncle & i kept sayin that you got the wrong person. & I was thinkin again. "oh gosh!, dun tell me i kena prank on some tv show". I was out of my wits, then suddenlly,she stopped. & she said,"eh, alamak..salah org ar deq. sorry eh". Den she cover her face & juz walk off..

I was like,"WTF!!???"
Tiz lady came shouting2,while ppl eatin, she came to me of all ppl & kol me "shahrin2" made me damn embarrassed & den walk off like tat..wtf!?

My uncle said,she may mistook me 4 sum1 else or mayb, She got split-personality(like nicky, in heroes)hha..k.i noe ,my uncle think too far..hha

After tat we ate quicly & was heading to work, when i thought it was finally over. There she was again. Waiting 4 me.i came up to her & asked tonns of q's."Why u do tiz? ,Why u do tat? ,Whu are you?, What u want frm me?, & many more.

And she answered. My uncle was right, she mistook me for someone else. She told us the whole story, & i decided not to write in my blog, coz i respect her. i decided to keep it private & confidential. & now we're friends:)
You guys juz figure out wad happened next k..hha..

Man!wad a crazy day tdae!!!hha

Reality Check

2008-11-05T19:43:00.000+08:00

im here at thr office,another few minutes to get the hell out of here..

i still can't get over with yesterdae..
Now i noe i dun belong here. I should just leave.
I dun wanna b a burden & huge dissapointment.
I noe all the years thay brought me up. I reli wanna change & bcum some1 even betta than i am now. I'm not asking 4 perfectness, but i wanna undone my mistakes & pay back what i debt. & i know now, she'll probably hate me for sure.
I know i don't have time. & i finally began to realise that my whole life was wasted so much, way to much. I just feel i reli don't deserve ani1, they'll hate me 4 sure as they get to know me betta.

If i keep becuming wad i am now. I'm jus gg to hurt myself & the ppl around me even more. Im such an ass, its not a joke its true. I'm thinking bout quitting my job & look 4 a job where no one give a damn bout whu i am. Coz i noe i'm under my uncle's armpit's, he'll scold ani1 whu dares bully me. Damn it i can handle it on my own.I'm sick of being called that. Thats why i made that decision.
I reli hate it when i look at myself now. It reflects even worse than wad i feel now.
I juz lost some1 whu i've grown to like & now its all just pen'ned yestrdae.
I guess its 4 the best. Damn it , i'm going off now.

I'm Hypo-Crysm-Henm-Salym

2008-11-05T00:36:00.000+08:00

Saw my header?i myself dunnoe wad it means.im alone in my room now.im feeling like super shitty tonite..

I felt tat the earth juz revolves around me, w/o me moving. I felt as though i'm the last person on earth. I'm doing critical thinking right now, i'm thinking far. I'm thinking if i can survive out there. I noe u guys think that i'm probably tokin crapt about myself, well its kind of true.kae. The reason i'm feeling thiz way is bcoz of me & my family.

thiz past few yrs it hadn't been th same like before, i was so happy even though i get scolded all the time..& yar i was one bloody troublesome kid. i reli miz those times..Now is like ,u go do your own thing..I dun feel belong in my own house animure, im llik trapped inside a glass,i can see what's happening; but i cun do anitin.

For example my sis, she always thinks that there's always a tomorrow..;everyting can do later,"got time wad".. she always says sory but s doesn't mean it..u can tell frm her expressions..She's the Fickle-Minded gal..She doesn't realised her mistakes. i noe wad u guys are tinking.."juz gettin angry over that?" Well, for example: wad id ur sis/bro, done something terribly wrong, & all she could say "oh soryy,tak sengaje"..doesn't dat pisses u off?? Well it did for me..& she doen't treasure wad ppl gave her.. There was one time my aunt gave her tiz beautiful locket she juz put at one side & lost it.. & it happened alot of times.. i noe i/m being paranoid bout my sis. but i c'riuslly wanna the best 4 her.. Well congrats she got sixth in class, but dun think its not gonna b harder the next yr..k . rli tired of penn'ing bout my sis..

Nw , i wanna tok bout myself..
Like i mention b4..i dun feel like i belonged..
&
i noe tiz sounds crazy..but i noe..
i have a strong feeling that i/m a foster child..I dun have the facts yet. BUt i noe wad i've been thru tiz 19 yrs of living.. & i noe i dissapoint my "parents" alot of times..though they still bear wif it..
In other words i'm like the worst son any parent could have..
SOmetimes i wish i can juz tell my secrets to them(parents). But i noe the aftermaths. IT will b one hectic dilemma.I guess 4 now i cun do nuthin much. I can juzt do with wad i am now & change things for the betta.
I tried my bez, but im still here.juz wish sum1 can push me..& wake me up, frm tiz bloody nightmare.. Juz wish kak idah was here. but i'll probably imagined it the whole time. She will b happy up there:)

& sumtyms i noe..i can always turn to sum1 even though i sound like an ass or an irritatin brat..haha..& thanks to that sum1 whu made me feel betta juz a moment agao..

u noe whu u are, MIZ COOKIEZ:) I juz hope we'll start off betta than we are now:)

*Just when you think all hopes are lost, Look at the stars& you'll change your mind*

Harniz Sufiyan Shah.
01:10am
Wednesday

Happy Bthdae Yuslinda!

2008-11-01T01:05:00.000+08:00

its reli been a long10 time since i've updated my profile..lame gler sey..hmm..if i wanna start bck frm oct..dah lame tu..hmm..k..

but b4 anitin..i wanna do sumtin i/ve never done b4..& even if u didn't ask me to do it..i/m gg to do it anwae..sort of..hha:)k..

well wad im gg to do is tiz:

HAPPEE BTHDAE YUSLINDA!

It's your birthday and I can't be there
But I'll send you a special birthday wish and a little prayer
Have a happy birthday
I hope that all of your birthday wishes come true
May you have a great time today and find happiness in everything you do.

it may b simple but i do hope u like it..

& gy srh ur crush uat cam gini jugak..cnfrm klu dier tau..dier jeles nyer..hha..k..enjoy ur bthdae tdae aites..

best wishes frm yan:)

Shittt

2008-10-06T04:33:00.000+08:00

i'm here now ,@04:33am in my room,dunnoe y i'm feelin sian again..haha..yan2.. tak abes2..haha.k..i'll juz update what had happen since my bthdae..

i've gt the book tat i want badlly..a very gd fren gave it to me.

i/ve just finish the 1st chapter,cun wait 4 the next.
& i dunnoe why thiz book-giver has gone so quiet suddenly.mayb she gt bf kot..hshs.i dunnoe..i juz wanna noe y she's been avioding me lately..

28 my bthdae

2008-09-28T02:26:00.000+08:00

its been a real long time i gt a presnt on my bthdae..coz mozly i gt wishes onli..
i was actualli feelin damn down,a day b4 my bthdae,i mean very..................liao.........

i felt so useless..kept thinking bout kak idah..cun get her out of my mind.& i was feelin lousy coz she wun get to wish happee bthdae to me tiz year.even worse forever.damn!!

I MIZ HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!

now i criuslly dunnoe whu to turn to..no more god-sis..haiz..if onli i gt a medicine tat can cure all illness's!k..nvmind..lets put aside it 1st..

den came my bthdae..i was reli happee coz sum1 gt me a bthdae present..its been a long10..time since i gt 1..coz i alwaes get money jehh..& its the best present ever!

its my all time fav..

PERCY JACKSON!!!volume 4!!so happee siat..wow..cun believe i'm actually holding it..wow.

k..i muz kol the person whu bought the book 4 me..blog later..k.:)enugh update:)byes

useless

2008-09-26T17:53:00.000+08:00

i/m useless!!

i reli am..
i reli feel like crying nw..i noe guys nt suppose to cry..but i reli can't hold it animure.so many things had happened.
miz-star's gone..i'll reli miz her..i love her so much!if she was still alive & she's younger than me.i would have force her to b my gal.i didn't even get to see her 4 the laz time.i reli gonna miz those times..& wtf..she died so young!!!its reli unfair!i love her so much!.nw probably i have no one.shit..nw i feel like crapt.

kak idah i will alwaes remember what u said to me:

"Believe in urself,coz u will b what u believe in"

Nurul Shafydah Bte. Zamarul

*1985-2008*

i will reli miz her.she died at a young age..we will all miz her.she's our angel,she's our light & she's our pride.she's everything to us.even though she's nt related in blood,but we're all one big family.
nw i'll b all alone..no more kakak.but i will heed her words & make a mark on my own..she always scold me 4 the stupid things i do.& the worst thing is i loz a very good fren & a very good sis'.

i shouldn't have make a promise when its obvious i couldn't make it.i reli regret..nw she probably wun fgive me.coz i noe im nt fit to b her fren.i reli am.so useless.shit i hate being like thiz nw..lagi2 bulan puase.she ws the best ever fren i had & i treated her like that.it was un-intetional.bt i noe she wun fgive me.read her pm,& i was totally crushed.& i noe ,i can never make her happy.wish i can pluck up my courage & say sorry to her..but sorryis nt juz a word u can sae.i dunnoe hw to face her anymore.she''ll probably thinks that i do tiz on purpose.i never wanna loose her even though we known 4 a period of time.but we're like best budds.a day w/o her voice ,i duunoe where to express my emotions to.she was my listening ear.

i guess thiz means goodbye.dunnoe wat to do animure.if onli kak idah is alive

feeling down out of a sudden

2008-09-08T01:43:00.000+08:00

hey..hie..

mie again..im seriouslly bored rght nw..nuthin to do..cun watch the stupid youtube & mega video..really damn bored man..& i think i reli suck at making frens..always gif the 1st bad impressions & always make a nuisance of myself.i dunnoe y i feel like tiz out of a suuden..i miz gg to skewl..& reli wanna make use of sumting reli worth of my life..reli dun wanna waste it away..i dunnoe if i've have any real frens..i mean true frens..

god i hate myself..y i suddenly feel damn emo sak..haiz..

kk..tats all..

2008-08-26T00:15:00.000+08:00

tiz laz few daes i had a bit of fun. went out wif cuzz on sat watched firewerks,met her frens & we go town to watch midnight movie..we watched 4bia..damn it was reli frightening..full of suspense & comedy 2..like we malay's used to sae..(kelakar seram).reli enjoyed the movie but full of unpleasant memories.

so....

i decided to

go

home

with my

cuzz..hee

her frens were reli kewl..& the funny ting is ,we've juz met ,but it seems like we've known 4 a long10 time..& a funny bt swiot ting happened..we were about to go home..it was 3.45 am..& her fren shidah asked me if i would consider to haf a gf..i suddenly stammered with my words..coz i was shocked at 1st when she ask me tat querie..& my cuzz was like,eh..kn dier dah blng dier tak ready..den smuer kwn dier was like ,"wah...shidah seyy.."..i was smiling all the way..not bcoz i kembang or sumtin but coz tber2 jek she randomly asked tat q's..

& my ans to tat was MAYB..when i found sum1 tat can make me melt.& she was like,"hw bout me?"..i tot she was jokin..budden,the look on her face was like the ghost i watched juz nw..it was more gruelling than the ghost in the movie.den i stammered again,& i replied.hmm mayb..klu ader jodoh..she then paused 4 moment & suddenly laughed.."ala..mmng ar,u wuldn't wanna sum1 llike me"den i juz smile. seriouslly she was hot just tat.she's scarying me.i mean reli scary.

k..enugh bout her..den went to slip at my cuzz house & chatted till mornin..den went to meet my bro's.& otw there..i took buz 187..i tink i saw the moz prettiest gal i've seen..she looked like mahirah (the siti's nurhaliza clone frm s'pore)she was soooooooo..ok nvm..she was wif tiz baby boy..i assume its her bro..coz she looked like 16+ like tat.she was dressed in a kebaya..so i guessed otw nk g jemputan.& i secretly look at her 4 a couple of times..haha..sat behind her..& the baby kept looking at me..i wanna go like"gagagaga!!,mane dier",den i guessed it wuld b so stup..so i kept quiet the whole time..juz smiling at the baby & her.den suddenly,she asked me,"dari mane?"den i stammer again..like i always did..my reply was," huh10??a.......aaaa...ape dier?"was freaking embarrased man!..den she giggled..den i asnwerd..told her i juz came bck frm my cuzz house ..den we chatted 4 a while..
she told me she's otw to jempotan & othe stuffs..she kept laughing all the time coz i make stupid jokes &faces at her bro..& the baby bro was seriously the cutest ting on earth..& when my time to alight..i regreted..i juz wave gdbye to her..she was koling me& juz alight & wave gdbye to her..damn stupid rght..shuld have asked for her num..which i never did..haissh..wished get to see her again..well,nvm..s'pore is small..still gt hope ..haha..nvm can wait 4 the 1..

den after tat went to meet my bro's went to imm..it was raining so heavily..& we wore sweaters like cm nk g rompak bank g2..ahha..lepak jap kt imm..coz ilham rindu nk gy imm..dunnoe y wif tat guy..haha..den went home.shower & siap2 nk g masjid 4 the kenduri @ masjid asyakirin.den bler dah siap..i tot my mum siap oredi..i was freaking mad i tell u..we were supposed to b there at 6+ pm like tat..& we arrived at 8.20..pathatic rght..every1 looked at us when we arrived..aiayaa..& the uztaz 4 the syarahan was ustaz ahamad dahri..he's real funny..coz he's the moz popular amongst the other ustazs..it was an honour to have him there..he's my idol nw ..i think..haha..we ate so damn lot..nasi minyak..its like too much 4 me..i end up throwing up at home. well i think it ends here..reali tired seyy..typing frm juz nw..

& i reli wanna b sum1 whu brings inspiration to the young minds in the making...ceyy yan..speaking seyy..haha

k..till here..dunnoe when gg to upload again..

"take no halves, eat your whole"

-harniz sufiyan shah

better at a bit least

2008-08-20T21:03:00.000+08:00

wow..its been a real long3 time since i've updated my blog.
so many things happen
SWEET,
SOUR,
SPICE
& everything that's NOT nice..haha.
its really been proven i'm lousy at rlshp's i/ve rejected 3 girls so farthey think that i cun 4get her..mayb they're rght, but its really ain't bout that..i wannna commit to myself b4 i can commit to others..& now i really dunnoe whu i really like. i have myself to blame.i will b with sum1 when WE can CLICK wif each other.i know i cun b the best,but i'll surely TRY.

& 2 u gals im reli sorry..im reali nt ready..its betta if we just b frens..u deserve much3 betta guys than i ..ok..enugh bout love thingy..

wad concerns me moz is my NS..i dunnoe wwhn im gg in..im waiting like freaking long..still no letters..so nxt week..im gg there to register yet AGAIN..wah..am i tat pathethic that they dun want me..haha..bt i do hope i get in the police squad..it'll b ok for me.. & nw i'm currently into fencing & kick-boxing..its reali fun..i get to kick ass & strike ass..haha..but my main passion is composing & writing songs..still in the process.hopefully i can do it b4 the fasting month..i wrote quite a handful of songs..luckily i got my cuzzies & frens to help me compose them..especially fariz..he's always eager to help ppl..its in our blood i guess.haha.im oso in the training playing the guitar..so3 damn hard..but improving.i nid to work on my tapping ,strumming & chords..waliao..chords so damn hard seyy..bud nevemind..still wun giffup.if my cuz can do like a pro..y can i ..rght..haha

& recently..me & my sedara jauh have cum close too..even my ex..cun believe she's my cuzzie..haha..miz the chance..damn..haha..juz kidding...she was shocked when i told her my longest rlshp was 1 & 1/2 yrs..haha..i juz wish it culd b longer..well evry human beings live wig regrets..its just hw u restrain frm it & learning hw to replenish the mistakes..i/ve made tonns of mistakes..even nw..i/ve nt spoken to my mum for like 1 & 1/2 weeks nw..she too doesn/t seem to care..but i/ll still do the 1st move..& i reli lurv her..even though we fought like evrdae..bud she's still my 1st ever love..i juz wanna b the best 4 her b4 its too late.

& like evrdae like no life ..werk2..hha.nemind ..gt income mahh..
& i made up my mind..if i dun get to ns tiz yr or next..im gg to pursue my studies overseas..i relii wanna made a mrk on my own..reli grateful 4 all the support my dad & relatives given me..only my mum doesn't seem to care..oh,well..betta to leave then.,that's the reason i dun wan to have any rlshp 4 nw.but if tat sum1 can wait..hmm..hmm.hmm..i doubt so..haha..k..reli tired frm typing..k..will try to update evrydae..& cun wait to mit farlyana kat dover esk..its nt a date k..i treat her like my kakak..k..gtg..bye2:)& yar i do miz her

"the sun will never shine till u try"

harniz sufiyan shah, 21:45, 20/08/08, Thursday

Who's next?

2008-07-03T22:51:00.001+08:00

Its really hard,i mean really3 hard..if u like that some1..& u can't simply forget bout her..evrywhere u go..there she is..well not exactly,she is there,but inside my stupid-idiotic mind.i juz realised how stupid i was..well there's no such thing "i've never regreted anything".well that's bullshit.i've been thinking long & hard.coz i noe i reli sux @ rlsp's.but the thing is.if u go thru sumtin that ur un-sure,un-determined,clueless, thinking if i can make thru the end.well i just have to endure it.well im talkin bout rlshp's..if u wanna have a long term rlshp's,relli commit urself to it,make it as though u guys are married already.but its more of the two of u guyz werkin it out.

Coz good things will prevail 4 those whu believe & persevere..well,that's my opinion..been taking so many courses that i juz wanna share it to the world..& even though i/m not wif sum1..well nobudi wants me anwae..haha..well its true..its reli hard 4 me to find that sum1 whu can reli love me.. juz a while ago..i go view ppl shout outs.& i saw tiz gerl bout my age..& her quote sae's "Don't be with someone whu u love,be with someone who loves you",& it really hit me in the head.she was so true on that part..totally agree with her.but when i think back.life's not that ezy..& love is much more worst..when u reli love sum1.u'll go crazy..u wnna meet dem like evrdae,simply put.wanna be wif tat person every second.

Well actually its not tat hard la.juz be positive bout ur rlsp.dun get too jealous ,or too paranoid.juz two words..b true & sincere if u wanna b wif tat sum1.not coz of their looks,or any missing facial parts on their face..lol!!hee..its how u spend even the shortest memorable time together..though its short but its will shirk to ur minds when u slip.its like a dream:)

Coz when i was with my ex.my 1st love.i tot she'll freak out when i have 1 zit at my face..i freaked out not her..haha..she didn't mind at all.& lost her..haha..pathetic me..even though she's wif sum1..she's still remain in my mind ,all the good & bad moments..especially the good ones..

Well not only her..all the girls in my life that came & give me tat beautiful sparkle in my hearts.not onli talkin bout my ex's,but tha gal's whu loved me before.some i may only met once & some quite a couple of times.but thay made my day each time.i juz wish they'll be happy for whu they are,& grateful for whu they are with..

I've decided that i relli wanna make my future-gal happy,& not what i had with what was,before.
so i wunder whu's next?

striking at the right moment.

2008-07-03T22:51:00.000+08:00

Lost in translations

2008-07-02T16:07:00.000+08:00

i think i figure the formulae to life..
Life is not that hard as u imagined it to be.its more of how u go thru to it & get in control.
When ur sad u tend to cry,when ur angry its the same only abit worse,& when ur furious..hmm..u guys figure out urself..haha..
well..1 thing we wanna in life is the best thing in the world..it comes & goes,but its still there,

HAPPINESS

u have the right to own it
u have the right nnot to let ani1 or anibudi take tat away frm you..

well ur wrong ..tats y god create wierd looking creatures called HUMANS
we tend to always argue & cry @ the smallest things..lets all admit..we are sensitive..every single one of us..& we behave differently due to our pasts experiences & by influential parenthood..we can't turn back time or kill sum1 or ignore u hate so much..

we just go with the flow but state in your mind tat every single thing has it limits..thats y u see..there so many fat ppl out there..

& whu's the stupid person whu sae's..the most happiest person ppl are FAT ppl..well..if they're so happy y the hell theywanna get thin..cos they wanna b HAPPY..i just think thatwe can all live happily in this world if we all dare to do sumtin we all feared the most & take a step ahead coz u must always b prepared..& sumtimes u have to pretend to b happy..tat sux rght..well im used to it..but not animore..i decided that i can do most of the things now..well about being happy..onli 1 secret though to live happyily forever..actually 2..haha

Werk hard for ur own happYness & never ever run away frm ur own probx..ezy saying overcome what u fear most..coz life is unfair for u to un-scrabblle it to make it a 1 whole pice again..k..

i think thats about it..just typing thiz base on my own theory & opinions the way of how i observe things..so the next time u get angry or cry..dun ignore ,go do sumtin bout it..cept for the killing yourself part..hee

2008-06-21T04:04:00.000+08:00

I thought that you & i were what ppl called"
Love3..is what we always hear
Love3..coz its in our hearts forever
Love3...coz the sun will never shine
Until there was you & i

Coz there was never an us
Expected in our hearts
Can't lie, can't lie to myself animure
You & me, its better if we just

Be history
Da.da.da.da.da.da
Na.na.na.na.nana.nana..
You & me..
We"re history..

I know, you know
We can't be like we were before
Its not about yesterday, today or tomorrow

Its about me...me...me
Its always about me...me...me
Good a good thing that i'm away
Far2 away where ur heart's cun imagine to find

So i'm packing my bag
Coz i'm ready to fly
Fly high3 up to the space & stars
Where u will never find me

Coz there was never an us
Expected in our hearts
Can't lie, can't lie to myself animure
You & me, it's better if we're just

Be history
Da.da.da.da.da.da
Na.na.na.na.nana.nana
You & me..
We're history

haha..as expected i juz written a new song again..only tiz time it got rhythm & music..i mean it turned into a real song..was quite hard..for tiz song i juz wrote & composed..the song iz about me expressing my emotions while i was watching soccer & drinking tonns of coffee..it juz shirk to my inner alien-brain..to me thiz song was really a comeback & wake-up call for me to really wake up & realising that all the things i ever relli wanted may not always be granted..but on education wise..yes..

so i guess i have to make sumtin out of myself w/o pl to sympathise wif me or hear every crapt that i made..& i surprisingly..i dun crapt animure..its a good thing..still trying to find my own self..now i know why i suck at rlshp's...coz im reli noy up to it yet...even though i reli love tat sum1..i would only hurt her more..

i guess.. thats all i have to sae..coz im reli tired now..cun slip thinkin of her..k..beta close my eyes..& i juz realised..i/ve nt update blog for a long3 time..k..k..yan signing out...

new blog again!

2008-06-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

hie..its me agin..
nw blog again..hello ppl my name is yan..hhee.2 tired to make new blog..but putting on effort wif pampey on tight burden(not heavy,coz the plasters are killing me!)

tiz pic was taken 1 1/2 yrs ago..

i realise i/m really a stup 4 life.wasted so many opportunities in life & breaking the hear of so many ppl..(i mean gals,coz im not homo-dun even tink about it..hee)

i tink i muz go do soul-searching,& find myself the new me..i wanna b certain of myself..i dun wanna lie to myself or others animure..coz it reli affect me & the ppl around me..so i noe i reli muz do sumtin..i juz wish dere's sum1 whu can push me till i wake up..& cry..but i noe i can't depend on tat..& probably won't happen anwae..cently i recorded wad happen to myself tdae on a tape..so i would listen to it when i/m very old later..or when i die..it'll b like a re-log..haha(recorded-blog),i noe its stupid..but its ezy..others would b shock if dey noe the real me nw..i reli suck & i/m no betta den SATAN himself..he'll probably love it when he see tiz..i struggle tiz few weeks..wearing stupid mr. pampey..& its reli LECEH,bringing him anywhere i go..

tats y i cun go out..nw i probably have no future or sum one whu stole my heart..yar..i do wanna get married a f yrs later..but i dunnoe whu..i juz hope it'll be sum1 whhu can reli g thru wif me thck & thin..& i noe..i'd relli ignored or neglect alot of ppl in my life recently..dere we reli dere 4 me..b i ws stupid enugh to push dem away..i reli dunnoe wads wrong wif me..& recently..i juz pushed sum1..i reli noe hw she felt..but i noe..she'll b hpy wif him..i cun make heer anwae..may dey alwaes lasts forever:)

& my blog ends here..& i wanna tnk happyslip & ainee 4 making me cheered up..when i was li feeling down..reli appc'd i & always treasureu guys:)(evn though happyslip cun read tiz..but she madde my dy anwae:)

k..till nex time..tat if i live..haha..byes:)